When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever. He touched her hand and the fever left her, and she got up and began to wait on him. Matthew 8:14-15
This passage was an affront to me as a young woman of the 1970’s. The poor woman is barely healed and is now on her feet waiting on the men?! My dear friend Pastor Pat kindly offered first century lenses: during a time when women had no value, Jesus restored not only the woman’s health but her place in society. She was happy to return to tasks which gave her purpose.
As burdensome as mother-/wife-hood can be at times, the coordinating of daily schedules, soothing hurts, celebrating joys, managing traditions, and bonding a family provides great satisfaction. During those years, imagining a life with grown children and retirement did not include facing the difficulty of adjusting to changing roles.
My quips that we were the baloney in the sandwich between the bread slices of our parents and children were often tinged with frustration sprouting from diverse responsibilities. But my own transition to bread wasn’t easy. Over the years holiday and vacation planning was assumed by the adult children even if held in our own home. Cooking and shopping and many hosting responsibilities were handed over to ED when we moved in together. There have been times of confusion as one proceeded with plans only to discover that someone else had moved ahead or parallel with us.
I don’t resent the next generation evolving. It is fun to see their ideas sprout from the traditions we had for many years. I often remind myself that they are capable adults, thank God, and happy that they appear to enjoy having us participate in their lives. We are very grateful to be a part of a family which looks forward being together. The “children” understanding my need to do more than observe, throw me roles to enhance our events, or keep me out of the way.
In the book Being Mortal (highly recommended), Dr. Atul Gawande illustrates how purpose, not medication, extends life and enhances Life. People allowed to live with self-defined purpose live just as long and die much more peacefully as those who are simply medicated.
So where are we now? The pandemic has corralled us into our home space, and the heat is confining us indoors. How do we find meaning?
As a member of a committee preparing to re-enter our church building safely, my role involves studying the essence of worship. What is essential for worship to happen? Applied to my personal life, what is essential for my life to have meaning and satisfaction?
It was easy to be busy in pre-COVID-19 retirement: social obligations, family events, hobbies, and travel kept us busy. Now I face determining the essence of a good retirement when those opportunities are limited. While it is fun to explore new hobbies, too much of anything (reading, TV, games, Zoom, music, decluttering) trivializes the fun. Some activities are simply that: activity. Some are distractions. I will be contemplating which are meaningful.
Pastor Kari asks, “Do we want to go back to January [pre-pandemic] church or is this a time to define a new normal?”
I welcome your thoughts.
I don’t think things will ever again be the way they were. A “new normal” will emerge, or we will create it, and adjust.
Maybe we will create a new normal for us while young generations will not know the difference.
When I was working 40-50 hrs a week, before retiring in 2014, I always wanted to spend more time in my home. We’ve lived here 25+ yrs and I never felt I even really knew my house & yard with work, kids, travel, chores, socializing, etc. So I always wanted to spend time just ‘hunkering’ down without feeling guilty. Well I sure got my wish! I can now do all the things I’ve wanted to such as more reading, tv watching, projects, house chores, cooking. So I don’t feel the need to be any more essential then I feel currently. I am doing exactly what I wished for. I do miss travel and socializing and I hope Covid issues are soon resolved. But I am enjoying my family home time!
I pondered your response and totally get it. There were times that all I wanted to do was “hunker down” at home. I wonder if all the changes in my life still leave me restless. (To be honest, I have always been restless.) We were still adjusting to retirement and moving in with Michelle when COVID hit. Also, my church job afforded me a creative outlet so other than being tied down to a schedule, it wasn’t a burden. Hmmm. Thanks for the thoughts.
I did a spiritual gifts study a number of years ago and my purpose was to serve. That was true for a long time . There were parents that needed help, kids, husband, and grandkids. Than one by one those receivers of service were gone. Initially I had my Mom’s estate to finalize as in sell household possessions and finally the home. That was completed and one day I found myself asking God what now. Maybe God was saying you need to refocus, but on what? While I have not figured it out I do think the covid experience has put others in the same predicament. What next? I do think somehow human interaction needs to happen in person. While zoom church is nice, one can stay in PJ’s and drink coffee…..the humanness is missing. We were made to be in relationship with God, family. Etc. isolation can be restorative for a while but I think the humanness after awhile craves something else. Just my thoughts.
As much as people drive me nuts I can’t get away from serving, also. I guess that’s why we bonded in grad school. You, of course, have had to deal with isolation in a bigger way, losing John as you did. I, too, love Zoom, but leave the meetings a little empty. Even getting together with friends outdoors is shallow without physical touch. This is a good time to explore these questions. Love you!!!
To begin: One very wise professional provided this advice. “Wait 3 days before responding” so here is my response. (let it be known I do realize “church” is not a building but community)
The phrase “new normal” is one I have problems with – to me it will Not be New but different.
Where after the change of our lifestyles where we be able to worship with Hymns of praise? With shouts of Joy, music of live piano, organ, choirs, children’s rhythm bands – on my morning walks I repeat the Songs of praise from past church service, most written from the Psalms in the Bible. I think of the many musicians, vocal & instrumental who began developing their talents in churches. Will choirs be able to again lift their praises to God in physical closeness or only with the aide of technology blending tones on line.. Not normal but different.
Sacrament of Holy Communion: gathered together at the table with fellow Christian believers (even the Last Supper had more than 10 and closer than 6 feet) – will it happen again to kneel shoulder to shoulder or now always have gloves & distance. Not normal but different.
Sharing the Peace without personal touch: handshakes or hugs. Is physical distance to be New normal or just different.
I have experienced many changes in life, personal & professional, some welcomed some not. Overall I like change. Assessing the current changes is a struggle, I wonder if it is based on fear or a search for steady support. I again feel like I am trying to balance on a bouncing log in a rapid creek. I have had many unsteady walks but non quite like this. I have always had community to hold me up; positive changes & acceptance are all connected with faith and support of fellow believers.
I thank God that He is with us all. God is good. This life journey to me will never be “normal” so I look forward to finding the “new different”.
thank you, Mary. A mutual friend of ours always said: “don’t ask Jackie her opinion because she will give it to you.” so forgive me if I shared too much.. To everyone Be well & stay safe.