I was in high school. I recall discussing the possibility of eternity of time and space with my friend Judy during a sleepover. In the darkness of our family room, I sensed my body nearing a spiritual abyss as my young mind tried to comprehend an endless universe. I recognized the abyss as God, ineffable.
My fascination with psychology and neurology lead me to listen twice to a Z dogg MD podcast discussing how the three-pound mound of matter that we call the brain generates consciousness. Although Mike asserts that some of the quantum physics is incorrect, the podcast is worth a listen if only to inspire awe that tissue, chemicals, and electricity work together to form consciousness. It comes close to explaining how I understand the concept of God.
Books on psychology and human behavior draw me, not because I aim to change my behavior (I gave up on that), but out of fascination for the workings of the mind and its effect on behavior. So here are two recommendations:
Good Habits, Bad Habits by Wendy Wood reports research on why some habits are easily developed while others, despite a great deal of intention and will power, elude us. It is very forgiving.
The Good Father by Noah Hawley is a fictional account of a father who cannot disprove that his son is an assassin. He includes detailed stories about mass murderers such as Charles Whitman and Sirhan Sirhan, looking for but not finding resemblances to his son. It challenges us to rethink how well we know each other.